Resources

 Above the surface, the current reality is what is visible. The current reality includes the ways individuals do things, their behaviours and ways of dealing with situations, and their emotional responses and reactions. Below the surface are many of the areas that support and influence everyone in the family and support the family’s  situation, such as development, gut health, diet, neurology, biochemistry, environment, toxicity, sensory & motor systems, immune system, education, health care, services, family, society, funding/finances and government. This is where disconnects and disruptions can occur, which result in stress, unhappiness, and challenges in the current reality. 

At the very core, way below the surface (which we may not even be consciously aware of) lie our core wounds. These core wounds may be the result of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, witnessing or being in a traumatic event, the death of a loved one, the divorce of our parents, or injustice – often experiences we may have endured when we were young.

As a result of our core wounds, we begin to hold negative beliefs about ourselves such as: “I am not lovable”, “I am not good enough”, “I am not worthy”, and “I am not safe”. These negative beliefs then lead to feelings of shame, low self-worth, and a negative self-identity.

Just below the water’s surface are anger, resentment, and fear.  These become defense mechanisms that we use to deal with emotional pain, such as shame, fear or sadness.

Self-defeating behaviours are unhealthy expressions of anger, resentment, and fear (passive, aggressive, or passive aggressive behaviours). These behaviours are some of the reasons why people decide to come to counselling and may include:  addictions, depression, anxiety, aggression, violence, arguing, shutting down, withdrawal, exaggerating, lying, etc.